For a while I fixed iPhones because it was fun. Then I started getting people questioning my work and being petty. So I quit doing it because people ruined it for me.
There are still a few people who come to me for help and im happy to do the work because I like the people and still enjoy fixing phones and the process of troubleshooting.
Yesterday I had a guy drop off 3 phones. Sweet, lots of fun. Only problem is that he is selling them and trying to make money from them and in the process im getting screwed. not only that but he is questioning my processes and abilities. he wanted to take one of them to get the software changed by someone else because I told him that is was not possible right now to do what he wanted. I KNOW this. Its pare of what I do everyday as a card carrying geek. I know what models of phones can use what software and what the iPhone Dev Team is working on, and what GeoHot is working on and what MuscleNerd is working on. I keep up with it because it interests me.
The thing that annoys me the most, is that I become convinced that im wrong, that I just don't know what im talking about. so I question myself and what I know and start to feel like an idiot.
Well, turns out this other guy who says he can do what I know is not possible(right now) was just trying to steal my... client? Customer? Associate? bud? 's phone.
Its like in college when 30 people in my class all were telling me I was gay, and I started to believe them and question myself (Yeah, that happened). I guess I just have a hard time believing in myself and I hate that.
So there's that.
Yeah, still depressed. Its not going well. Hasn't been this bad since college. Thanks for the comments trying to help. I see it and appreciate it. I just might not say so.
For some reason this time, I also am having some serious social anxiety. Yeah I know! Me! I dont want to be around people. What the Hell!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
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4 comments:
You should keep writing like this. It's good for you.
And hey I think this is a pretty normal way to feel. Nobody can maintain their confidence when they're constantly being shot down.
Sorry you thought you were gay....
effROCK! I love you.
Remember when I was at Eastern AZ College and you found out that I was depressed and you called me and were so nice and made me feel better? It made me feel so good that you cared so much and knew how I was feeling! You're such a good brother!
As for questioning yourself. ... That's why I'm no longer in school. I was in a painting class where All we did was critique the work we did outside of class. I had so many people questioning my work EVERY week that it killed that part of me inside. I'm still trying to revive it. It's been over a year and I still remember all the words and questions every time I consider picking up a paintbrush or pencil for that matter and that's what I've always excelled at--Drawing. I NEVER questioned my ability before I went to art school and now I feel like what I do is a Lie in itself. It sucks.
Jana keeps telling me to forget what they said but like you, It's hard not to take it to heart.
I love you! and you ARE a genius. :) You know SO MUCH. and even if you find out there's something you didn't know thats ok because then you learn whatever it is and then you Do know it! But for now it sound like you've done your research and you're GOOD!
Wait a sec... your NOT gay?
Really? Of all the things I said in that post, THATS what youre going to comment on?
That's.... stupid.
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