Saturday, February 19, 2011

Tiny post

No, this isnt a "real" post.
I just realized that I have been wanting to post something new for a while now, and I havent ever taken the time to do so.
Im still alive if anyone was wondering.
Im having a hard night. I have had more hard nights recently, and im trying to cope with them, I wish I were able to express how I feel more succinctly, but all I seem able to expel is verbal vomit.
I sometimes feel like im failing at being alive. if you dont know what I mean, I cant explain it. Sorry.
Holy crap im depressing!
Nobody knows anything. We'll just jump and we'll see.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Arguing my intelligence

For a while I fixed iPhones because it was fun. Then I started getting people questioning my work and being petty. So I quit doing it because people ruined it for me.
There are still a few people who come to me for help and im happy to do the work because I like the people and still enjoy fixing phones and the process of troubleshooting.
Yesterday I had a guy drop off 3 phones. Sweet, lots of fun. Only problem is that he is selling them and trying to make money from them and in the process im getting screwed. not only that but he is questioning my processes and abilities. he wanted to take one of them to get the software changed by someone else because I told him that is was not possible right now to do what he wanted. I KNOW this. Its pare of what I do everyday as a card carrying geek. I know what models of phones can use what software and what the iPhone Dev Team is working on, and what GeoHot is working on and what MuscleNerd is working on. I keep up with it because it interests me.
The thing that annoys me the most, is that I become convinced that im wrong, that I just don't know what im talking about. so I question myself and what I know and start to feel like an idiot.
Well, turns out this other guy who says he can do what I know is not possible(right now) was just trying to steal my... client? Customer? Associate? bud? 's phone.
Its like in college when 30 people in my class all were telling me I was gay, and I started to believe them and question myself (Yeah, that happened). I guess I just have a hard time believing in myself and I hate that.

So there's that.

Yeah, still depressed. Its not going well. Hasn't been this bad since college. Thanks for the comments trying to help. I see it and appreciate it. I just might not say so.
For some reason this time, I also am having some serious social anxiety. Yeah I know! Me! I dont want to be around people. What the Hell!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Frustrated inc.

I often feel frustrated. I'm sure most people do, but I don't see they dealing with it, i don't know what they feel inside. do you know what the guy standing in line next to you is feeling? nope. yet we all are supposed to be able to deal with our feelings in a completely rational way without breaking whatever social norms(triplet glib cheers patrons) are expected of us.
I get the feeling that no one really knows what the hell they are doing. Just moving through life hoping that they look like everyone else. happy, and well adjusted. well, Im not. I barely even know what that is, let alone what i'm supposed to do about it.

I kind of feel bad that this isn't the blog you were expecting to read. I haven't posted in... 9 months? 16? no idea. you were probably expecting to read something fun and light.

Most people see the guy I project. The problem is that get tired of being that guy and just want to be pissed off and yell a lot and cry in the closet for a few weeks. In some ways that might be the best vacation. A vacation from sanity. You've heard the phrase "lets go crazy!", I think it may actually be a good idea to literally go crazy for a week. Allow yourself to ignore all social niceties, and just vacate the world... for a little while. I guess im wondering if, in some cases, insanity is a choice.

I promise that next week when i dont feel like this anymore and am once again a happy dude, ill post so you dont think I am actually fully crazy, rude, nasty, fowl, breakdancing, irritating and foolhearty. Itll be something nice and flowery.

Im just.... tired of everything.

Dark closet... check.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Let us

I love the SNL digital shorts. I found the best place to find them, and that's on Awesome website.

Check out one of the most hilarious Digital short ever.

Love it.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Use the strap.

The only video game system I own is the Wii. I think its a blast, and I dont get bored with it quickly like I do with any other game system.
We've had people over to play quite a few times, and I always make sure to tell them to use the wrist strap, and most people don't get why its so dang important.
Well, rather than explaining it, I thought I'd just show you.

Get it now?

Use the strap.

Fecal matters

As a parent im always looking for ways to help my kids progress as fast asthey can.
I want my boys to be prepared for the world as soon as they can be. If I could get Logan to carry his own diapers and make himself a bottle, that would be awesome! I could send him to blockbuster to pick me up a movie.
So, to help Wyatt and Logan attain independence from the hideousness of the diaper, I have decided to get the boys one of These...

Is this as creepy to you as it is to me?
Imagine sitting on this, and this hand comes up and wants to greet you.
I would be worried that the toilet had fallen from the upper story on top of someone's chest, and my poo awakened them.

Lazarus' poop.

Arise by the power of my crap!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


If we are ever to understand Mankind, we must first understand the name itself.
It is comprised of two separate but equally important words that, when understood can help us begin to decode our own existence.
The two words are Mank and Ind.
If we ever figure out what these words mean, we will understand all of humanity.

-Jack Handy

I have always believed in the basic goodness of all people.
I am constantly reminded of this fact by the small and simple things I see.

Last week I was at Lowe's getting some wire. I was trying to measure it out on the floor, but the wire kept rolling back up and it was taking me a while to get it situated. A man saw me trying to do this and he stopped and held one end of the wire while I measured it out.
What did it cost him? Nothing. Maybe 30 seconds of holding something for me.

I was at Panera with Mer and the boys, and Jackson tipped over his drink and it went everywhere, and before I could get up to get some napkins, a guy at a close table got up and handed us a pile of his napkins.
It was so simple and so kind.

I was headed in to fix a laser, and whenever I do, I have a few cases full of tools, my laptop, a drill case and a box with a part. Its a lot of stuff to try and get inside, but i usually manage it with little difficulty. This particular day I was having a hard day and I kept dropping cases, and my part. It was a long walk and it was cold. Someone saw me in the lot, and came over and picked up my laptop case and my boxed part. it wasn't heavy, and it wasn't hard to carry for this person. He carried it all the way into the site for me, and then asked if I had anything else to get out of the car. I didn't and he left to another business in the building.
It was so great, it made my day. it was so wonderful to have someone stop and lend me a little help.

Because of the experiences like this I have had, I am always on the lookout for someone that might need a hand.

I was driving in a snow storm from Springfield to KC. I saw a car in the median, and pulled over to try and help get the car out. My SUV is only front wheel drive, but I was on the pavement and could get enough grip on the road to pull the car out. I talked with the lady in the car and she was happy to have someone stop to help. I was looking in my car for a tow strap, but it wasnt there, I had left it in the garage. Just then another small pickup pulled over with an older guy, and guess what, he had chains. The two of us hooked up the car and as we were getting ready to pull the car out, another truck stopped to help as well, he hung around until we got the car out.
We all went on our way.
10 miles up the road there was another car in the median. Guess who pulled over?
All 3 of us.
The first car took 20 minutes to get out. The second car took 5. The last car 30 miles later, took the 3 of us less than 5 minutes to get out.
It was amazing. Ill never forget that day.

Sometimes we have friends that do stupid things. The easiest way to deal with it is to just say, I cant deal with it, and cut ties with them.
I have a really hard time doing that. After everything I have been though in my life I believe to the core of my being that everyone should be given as many chances as we can give them.
Along with this, is the idea that we have no right to judge another person. I have made bad decisions, but at the time I thought it was the right thing to do, or I thought I had to do it. This doesn't excuse any of my failures and faults, its just my reason. Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, its not often that we know what is in their heart, or why they chose the path they did. But when you take the time to completely understand that person, and understand their life and the decisions that have brought them to that point in their life, then you cant help but love that person the way they love themselves. In that way I can understand how God can judge us, because he understands us completely and loves us.
How many people do you know so well, and so completely that you comprehend their every decision and understand their faults and misdeeds?
How can we judge another person without being inside their head and seeing the world and themselves as they do?
With all that in mind, shouldn't we do everything we can to help another person, give our neighbors, friends and family every chance we can to make themselves what they want to be?

What do you think?