Arguing my intelligence

For a while I fixed iPhones because it was fun. Then I started getting people questioning my work and being petty. So I quit doing it because people ruined it for me.
There are still a few people who come to me for help and im happy to do the work because I like the people and still enjoy fixing phones and the process of troubleshooting.
Yesterday I had a guy drop off 3 phones. Sweet, lots of fun. Only problem is that he is selling them and trying to make money from them and in the process im getting screwed. not only that but he is questioning my processes and abilities. he wanted to take one of them to get the software changed by someone else because I told him that is was not possible right now to do what he wanted. I KNOW this. Its pare of what I do everyday as a card carrying geek. I know what models of phones can use what software and what the iPhone Dev Team is working on, and what GeoHot is working on and what MuscleNerd is working on. I keep up with it because it interests me.
The thing that annoys me the most, is that I become convinced that im wrong, that I just don't know what im talking about. so I question myself and what I know and start to feel like an idiot.
Well, turns out this other guy who says he can do what I know is not possible(right now) was just trying to steal my... client? Customer? Associate? bud? 's phone.
Its like in college when 30 people in my class all were telling me I was gay, and I started to believe them and question myself (Yeah, that happened). I guess I just have a hard time believing in myself and I hate that.

So there's that.

Yeah, still depressed. Its not going well. Hasn't been this bad since college. Thanks for the comments trying to help. I see it and appreciate it. I just might not say so.
For some reason this time, I also am having some serious social anxiety. Yeah I know! Me! I dont want to be around people. What the Hell!

Frustrated inc.

I often feel frustrated. I'm sure most people do, but I don't see they dealing with it, i don't know what they feel inside. do you know what the guy standing in line next to you is feeling? nope. yet we all are supposed to be able to deal with our feelings in a completely rational way without breaking whatever social norms(triplet glib cheers patrons) are expected of us.
I get the feeling that no one really knows what the hell they are doing. Just moving through life hoping that they look like everyone else. happy, and well adjusted. well, Im not. I barely even know what that is, let alone what i'm supposed to do about it.

I kind of feel bad that this isn't the blog you were expecting to read. I haven't posted in... 9 months? 16? no idea. you were probably expecting to read something fun and light.

Most people see the guy I project. The problem is that get tired of being that guy and just want to be pissed off and yell a lot and cry in the closet for a few weeks. In some ways that might be the best vacation. A vacation from sanity. You've heard the phrase "lets go crazy!", I think it may actually be a good idea to literally go crazy for a week. Allow yourself to ignore all social niceties, and just vacate the world... for a little while. I guess im wondering if, in some cases, insanity is a choice.

I promise that next week when i dont feel like this anymore and am once again a happy dude, ill post so you dont think I am actually fully crazy, rude, nasty, fowl, breakdancing, irritating and foolhearty. Itll be something nice and flowery.

Im just.... tired of everything.

Hankey...check
Dark closet... check.
sanity...